When the laundry is piled up, there are rings around your toilet, the fridge is nearly empty and it is 10 minutes to dinner but you have nothing started and all you want to do is scream...cherish the moment and cry out to God.
I have been doing a bit of self healing these days. Trying to figure out how to be more patient and less agitated. To find time to make cookies, play games, build a fort, and indulge in being a mom with my kids. Life can be so demanding and I wish we could stop time, but we can't.
I swim in a sea of guilt when I miss the opportunities with my kids. They will only be this young once. I pray for their saftey and for their futures, but what about now. A friend of a friend is dealing with neroblastma cancer with her 2 year old and I am devasted to think of what that might be like. Children are so precious. I ask the questions, but only God knows the answer. I pray and meditate on Psalms 139. He has formed me and made me and He knows all the days of my life.
He knew I would be right where I am today even in this very instance. He knows my heart and He knows my thoughts. He knows my every move even before I do. So with that HOPE I clinge to Him in prayer. I lay prostate at His feet and ask for forgiveness for all that I have missed in my selfish desires, eagerness to please, and pridefulness. I lay down my bitterness, anger, resentment, impatients, laziness, frustrations - I lay it all down and I take up His love, grace, mercy, hope, and desire for me to be broken in spirit and be humble in my actions.
I cry just thinking about how many years I have wasted trying to figure it all out and control the outcome. I feel foolish for thinking I had it under control.
He knew today would be the day I opened my heart back up to Him and TRUSTED.
If you are reading this ~ there was a reason for it. Pray for me as I continue on this path of motherhood, being a daughter, a wife and a friend.
With Love,
Jess
1 comment:
Howdy Jessica - have a great day, today. Love Ya, Deb
Post a Comment